Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
