I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
