lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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