addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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