Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
