What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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