So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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