I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
