So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sober January is a disaster.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
