I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ๐๐#pensacolaproblems
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hope youโre getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize