I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
...so i touched it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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