The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
