4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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