I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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