Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
