new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
