Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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