There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
