I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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