just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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