I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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