Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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