those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
