That's intense
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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