Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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