i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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