then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
