i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
