# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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