he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
