Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
