So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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