Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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