we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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