No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
