What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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