oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
