I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
