I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
