Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
