After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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