Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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