I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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