I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
