i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
