"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
