nut hugger
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
