Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
