I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
