Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
