Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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