I will die if light touches me.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
