Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
