pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
