if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
how does that bad decision feel?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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