i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
