It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
