I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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