I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
