I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
