She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
last night I used snow as a chaser
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
