There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
