Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
