i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize