that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
People in love make me want to vomit
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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