Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
