The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I had to cum in my sink.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
